Now that your parents, relatives or your friends have found the perfect match for you, and the girl seems to be quite nice as you had expected. But now you are wondering what questions to ask a girl before an arranged marriage?
Arranged marriages are still a huge thing in India. Although the westerners may find it amusing that how we get ready to spend our entire lives with a stranger, there is a little bit of homework we all do before taking the huge leap.
Parents and relatives from all cultures in India follow their own protocols of finding a match for their son and they leave no stone unturned while doing their due diligence. After all, it is the question of their son’s future and they have to be 100% sure as to the girl that they have chosen to be their daughter-in-law is a perfect fit for the role.
A lot of marriages fail due to incompatibility of the partners and your parents do not want to be responsible for it. They judge the girl based on what values and qualities they prefer. At times, what you prefer may not be their priority.
Thus we came up with this article about the questions to ask your would-be wife before getting into an arranged marriage. You need to be sure from your end that she fits the bill perfectly and would be an ideal life partner for you.
For the sake of clarity, we are assuming that you have seen the girl before or seen her pictures and profile and you like her. Now you want to know more about her to judge whether both of you are compatible or not.
So without further ado, let us look at the 20 Most Important Questions To Ask A Girl Before An Arranged Marriage.
Questions To Ask A Girl Before An Arranged Marriage
These questions are a general direction to the actual ones that you will ask in the big meeting. You can use variations of them based on your personal circumstances. They may not be in any particular order, you just need to ask them at the appropriate time in the conversation.
1Do you consider me to be a suitable match for you?
This is probably one of the most important questions to ask a girl before an arranged marriage. At times we get carried away and forget to ask the girl whether she also likes you too. You just assume that she is ok with the way you are. Her opinion about you matters the most.
This question needs to be asked towards the beginning of your conversation as it will give you an insight into what the girl feels about you. This question can also lead to more questions that will help you to understand more about her opinions about you.
If her answer to this question is yes, you can ask her what qualities in you impressed her the most. If she says no (which most women will not answer out of obligation or embarrassment) you can ask her how you can improve yourself to change her opinions about you.
2Are you mentally and emotionally ready for marriage at this point in time?
After the first hurdle is clear, the next important thing that you need to understand from her would be whether she’s ready for marriage right now. Most women may not understand that getting married or starting a family is a tough task. Are they getting married just because their friends are getting married? Or are they getting married to get over a failed relationship or worse, an abusive ex?
If she’s not mentally ready for marriage yet, you need to respect her opinion and give her time until she is prepared for it.
3What are your financial and career goals after marriage?
As a husband, you need to be fully supporting and understanding if a woman wishes to pursue her career after marriage. She may have different financial and career goals than you may have imagined. Thus, you need to understand them before you get into an arranged marriage with her.
This question is also important if you both are quite new to your careers and nowadays the cost of living is so high that both the husband and wife need to make a living to support the family. If she’s not going to work after marriage and is going to be a homemaker, you will be the one who is responsible for making a living and you need to plan your finances accordingly.
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4Did you have any past relationships that might affect our marriage?
This is one of the most controversial questions to ask a girl before you get married to her but it has to be asked. It is up to you how you make it sound least offensive or embarrassing. Previous relationships (yours or hers) could be a big factor when it comes to causing rifts between relationships.
If you’re the possessive kind, and if she has had a rough previous relationship, her ex-boyfriend may be a challenge for you. This doesn’t mean that you tell her to break all contact with him or her previous relationships. Both of you need to sit and sort it out before you get into marriage.
5Who are your closest family members and friends?
This question will make her comfortable during the discussion and also help you to know the people in her life that matter to her the most. Before you become a big part of her life, these are the people whom she trusts and bonds well with.
Take note of them and make sure that you keep them close to you. They could be your biggest allies in this expedition of a lifetime called marriage. God forbid if there are any issues in your marriage in the future, these are the people whom you’re going to reach out to.
6Do you want to have kids?
The question is not ‘how many’ the right question is whether she wants kids at all or not. While most women love to have a child, there are some who do not wish to get into parenthood. At least not in the first couple of years of marriage.
Understanding your partner’s preferences about having children will make you prepared for what’s in store for you after you get married.
7Do you have any physical ailments or illnesses that I should be aware of?
This is another sensitive one but one of the most important questions to ask a girl before an arranged marriage. If she’s a complete stranger to you, you may not know her medical history. To avoid any issues after marriage, it is always better to know about your would-be partner’s physical condition before you get married.
8Are you ready to relocate after marriage?
Sometimes our jobs may require us to relocate to another city/country. But is she ready to come along with you? Is she willing to go far away from her parents and friends just to be with you and start a new life? Knowing her take on relocation is very crucial for your decision-making regarding an arranged marriage.
9What do you think about my parents and the family?
Another one of the important questions to ask a girl before an arranged marriage is what she thinks about your parents and your family. After all, they are going to be her family after marriage too. Some women may prefer to stay away from your family after marriage and that’s perfectly fine.
If she’s not comfortable with your family immediately after the wedding, in the due course of time, she will form a good bond with them after knowing them better.
10What are your plans/expectations for the wedding?
If all goes well and you two finally decide to get married, you need to be prepared for what expectations she has for her wedding day. For most girls, their wedding day is the most important day of their lives. She has dreamed about this day for many years and wants it to be perfect.
Both of you can plan the day according to her preferences regarding the location, decoration, food, etc. It would be a fun activity for both of you to plan the wedding together and get closer to each other in the process.
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11What are your likes and dislikes?
This one is way down on our list of the questions to ask a girl before an arranged marriage but it is a very important question to ask her. The answer to this question will help you know her better as a person and get to know about the things she likes and the ones that she doesn’t.
Make a little note about this in your mind as these things will be important for you in the course of your marriage.
Also Read: 101 Questions To Ask Before Marriage
12What are your hobbies and interests?
This is probably one of the most quintessential questions to ask a girl before an arranged marriage but it is good to know her hobbies and interests to judge your compatibility with her. You may be a hardcore fan of Metallica and she is crazy about Honey Singh. Well, that really doesn’t matter that much but you can learn a lot about a person from their interests.
Did she also enjoy the latest season of Family Man and you loved it too? Great! You have found someone who will watch TV with you endlessly for a lifetime.
Asking such types of questions will be a good ice breaker or a break from the serious discussion and also help you know her more as a person.
13How are you as a person?
Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Are you short-tempered or patient? Are you emotional or practical? Are you ambitious or laid back? These are the small but crucial things about her personality that will help you understand how compatible she is with you.
If she is short-tempered, she may be dominating and if you’re the submissive type, then you may have marital issues. If she is too reserved and shy and you’re an extrovert, that would still be a problem because you will never be able to understand what is going on in her mind. Thus, it is better to gauge her personality traits before you get married to her so that you can adjust your behavior accordingly.
14What qualities do you expect in your life partner?
Expectations have no end for most people. At times, you may give your 100% but that would still not be enough for your life partner and vice versa. Thus, it is better to know her expectations beforehand. If you think that you’re able to meet her expectations, then you’re good. If not, then are you willing to change yourself as per her expectations? The call is yours.
For instance, if she expects that you give her more time or attention and you are somehow not able to give her time in the course of your marriage, your relationship may face issues. It is best to sit together before the wedding and discuss how you can work on being a better person for the other.
15Are you doing this as per your free will or are you being forced into marriage?
Another one of the questions to ask your would-be wife before marriage is whether she is doing the pre-wedding discussion as per her free will. This is because maybe her parents or relatives are forcing or insisting on her getting married in a haste.
It’s sad but true that in the Indian culture, a girl’s parents consider her as their liability and want to get rid of her (sorry but we couldn’t find a more gracious way to say this) as soon as possible. Thus you need to make sure that she is not taking the decision to get married under pressure and is fully prepared for what lies ahead.
16Where do you want to go for our honeymoon?
This one is a googly question. Maybe she’s not expecting this question as you both have not yet decided to get married. It is a light-hearted thing to discuss giving you both a break from the serious discussion.
You have to be really smart while placing this question during the discussion or else you would sound like a creep to her as she is still not sure about getting married to you and you are already planning for a honeymoon.
The good part is, if she answers positively on this one, it is a confirmation that in her mind she has already chosen you as her husband. The only backfire to this question would be that if she says that she wants to go to an expensive location for the honeymoon, then you can forget about that latest Royal Enfield that you were planning to buy after your wedding. 🙁
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17What do you think makes a marriage perfect?
Try not to sound like you’re taking her job interview while asking this question but you can phrase it in your own words as this is also one of the most crucial questions to ask a girl before an arranged marriage.
Her answer to this question will give you an insight into the things that matter the most to her and if you lack them, then you’d have to improve on them to make your marriage work.
18Would you be willing to change yourself for me?
Nobody needs to change themselves for anyone. But when it comes to a happy marriage, there have to be some sacrifices. If you want a marriage to work, you cant be stubborn and need to take one step behind at times, or else you will have constant bickering with your wife in the future.
During your discussion, if you find out that she doesn’t like an aspect of you, ask her if she is willing to change her opinion. For instance, if she is a strict vegetarian and you love non-veg food, is she ok with you having it at home or when you go out?
Or, if she’s a party animal who empties the entire bottle of vodka on ladies’ nights and you’re a teetotaler, will she respect your opinion and cut down on the partying after marriage?
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19Would you be comfortable with the lifestyle that we would have after getting married?
She may come from a rich family where she is used to having every wish of her’s being fulfilled. What if you’re the only breadwinner of the family and not able to do that? What if she has to adjust to the lifestyle that you are going to provide her? What if she doesn’t know how to cook food and after getting married if she plans on being a homemaker. Is she willing to learn cooking and ok with cooking for you and your parents?
Most girls would answer this question in their minds and the answer is going to be a big NO. While answering it out to you, they may be forced to say yes out of obligation. But this question has to be asked as it will show her that you care about her comfort and choices.
20Do you want to ask me anything?
Marriage is not a one-way street and so is the discussion that you will have with your would-be wife before your marriage. Thus, you have to ask her whether she wants to know anything from you or about you. At first, she may not open up but you need to make her comfortable and ask her to honestly ask questions to you then and there.
In case she doesn’t ask you something important before marriage and then finds it out later, it’s going to be an issue for both of you in the future.
Wrapping It Up
This brings us to the end of a small attempt that we made to help out our brothers who are looking for the questions to ask a girl before an arranged marriage. We hope that this article will be of some help to our brothers who have finally decided to venture on a journey that is going to change their lives forever.
Marriage is an institution where you keep learning till the day you die. It is a promise made by two people to each other who have decided to spend their lives together. Thus, when you’re trying to figure out whether the girl you are meeting is the right match for you, these 20 questions aren’t going to be enough.
It may take a lifetime to find out whether someone is the right partner for you or not. Nobody is perfect and you may or may not find the right match for you. But what matters is that once you take the great leap into marriage, pour your heart into this beautiful relationship and just enjoy the ride.
If you have any suggestions/feedback to make this article better, please comment below or write to us at [email protected]
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